you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
