Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
