Nicole vs. Life
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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