It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Randomize
