i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I can't put those talents on a resume
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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