i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
