look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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