Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
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He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
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so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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