all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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