I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
