The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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