i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
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I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
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I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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