butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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