Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
