ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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