So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
