i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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