I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Are we still banned from the library?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
