so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
