She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
