True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
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i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
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My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
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