She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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