Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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