We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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