Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
