Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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