my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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