There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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