if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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