Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(845): View more from New York

Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.

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(863): View more from Florida

I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.

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(619): View more from California

i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already

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(519): View more from Ontario

The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"

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(802): View more from Vermont

Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover

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