My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
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Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
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I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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