mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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