Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
