Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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