maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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