420 ftw
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
