Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
