Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
