i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
