I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
