I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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