i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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