He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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