note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
