Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Someone signed my nipple.
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