Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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