Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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