You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
two words...techno handjob
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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