Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
