i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
