I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
