I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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