There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
