Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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