I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
