3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
