shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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