I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
