yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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