the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
