nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
