My pussy is not your playground.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
