part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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