Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Come share oat with me in your robe
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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